Saturday, November 18, 2017

Facing my Monsters- Part 1: Exposure and Battles

Have you ever battled monsters? Or your "inner demons" as they are often called? I have. Recently.

There comes a time when each of us must face our monsters. That is, if you are no longer willing to allow them control of your heart, mind and soul.

You must leave the little boat that you've grown accustomed to; even though you've always despised it.

The long journey down Denial (not the river in Egypt) is finally coming to an end. It's kind of exciting to anticipate a new destination!

Oh, but Denial has served its purpose for you for a long time. So there are feelings of dread mixed with hopeful anticipation of something so much better.

It's time for the confrontation you've avoided for so long. You force the creatures out from the darkest corner of the closet. You drag the dirty beasts out from under the rug. You're scared to death, but also angry as hell! You know, from your deepest internal truth, that the risks of this fight are worth it. You are no longer willing to let those demons haunt you.

This summer was not the first time I've battled my personal demons, but the ones that challenged me this time were some of the oldest and ugliest creatures in my life. I'd only seen them partially before, because they were experts at hiding and camouflage. This time was different. I finally recognized them in their full hideousness.

Those monsters used all kinds of weapons to intimidate me. Sleepless nights, anxiety attacks, rage, crying spells, lack of appetite. Sure enough, I almost gave up the fight a few times. I was really tempted to lift that old rug and say, "Alright, Monsters. I'm too weary of all this. I'll sweep you back under here. I guess you can stay."

But I knew from experience that those beasts living under the rug just loved to taunt me and haunt me. They'd even trip me when I least expected it! I'd lose my balance and sometimes even fall on my face. It had been going on for too long!

So, I screamed at them, with even more resolve: "NO!! You can't hide anymore! You'll stay out here in the open until I defeat you!! COME ON!!

The personal demons I was battling don't need to be named specifically. I've said before that I feel compelled to write from the heart, without being obligated to reveal all my private baggage. I'm bold enough to assume that most of you have faced demons of your own. Or maybe you need to.  Just about everyone has some! True? Different fiends for different folks.

Not only do I believe in monsters, but I also believe in angels.

I'm so thankful that I didn't have to fight the scary monsters alone. My help came in the simplest and most beautiful ways. Three angels were sent to me. They would always appear at those times when I most needed rest. Their divine assistance provided renewed strength for the next hellacious fight.

To be continued...